So You’re a New Grandparent
When your son or daughter is expecting their first child, it’s an incredibly exciting time. Suddenly, you’re a grandparent, taking on this whole new role with its own connotations and expectations. And you probably don’t feel like a grandparent—you don’t have a white bun sitting atop your head, and you don’t spend all your time at home, canning preserves for the winter. Maybe you still work, spend a lot of time traveling, or have begun a second career pursuing a lifetime hobby and interest.
No matter what you’re like, there’s no doubt that the idea of grandparents and grandparenting has changed, and continues to change over time. As the baby boom generation redefined other roles as they grew up, they continue to redefine what it means to be a grandparent.
Don’t Have a Crisis
The important thing to remember as a 21st century grandparent is that you don’t have to fit any pre-defined role. Today’s babies play with iPhones, after all, and you’re not expected to be knitting scarves while you watch daytime TV (unless that’s your prerogative).
Your grandparenting style will develop uniquely from your own personality and may surprise you in the ways that it differs from how you raised your own children. Whether you decide to be hip or old school, the grandparent who always says “yes” or the strict disciplinarian, as long as you’re comfortable with your role, you can define “grandparent” however you like.
Tips to Remember
Here are a few things to keep in mind, though, as you take on this new role of G-pa, Grammy, Gramps, Nana, or what have you.
1. Follow Their Rules
Since you’ve done this before (raised kids, that is), it’s tempting to get that new baby in your arms and feel all your old parenting ideas come back. But this isn’t your kid, and the “rules” or best practices of parenting change over time. Yield to your kid’s desires for raising and taking care of their new baby, whether it be formula vs. breast feeding, disposable diapers vs. cloth, or anything else.
2. Don’t Pre-define Your Role
Before your grandchild leaves the delivery room, it’s easy to decide exactly what sort of relationship you’ll have with them. Realize, however, that your relationship to your son or daughter and their spouse, is likely to have some impact on how exactly you’ll end up interacting with your grandchild. If you’re the parent of the baby’s father, for example, you may have less of a front-and-center position at the birth, or directly thereafter, since the maternal grandparents are usually very invested in the health of their daughter, not to mention the grandchild. Don’t get stressed out about your place in it all—just enjoy the experience and be there to help.
3. Live Your Life
New grandparents, especially multi-tasking 21st century ones, might freak out at the idea that they have to take on this new support role, when for many years they’ve been without the burden of small, needy children. Don’t forget that although you are expected to provide care, love, and concern, you’re not the parent, and no one expects you to be. Keep on doing what keeps you happy, whether that’s working, reading, biking, or whatever